Would you believe assassins have a union? We do…

United we stand, divided we fall...

Hello again.

Yes, I still kill people for a living.

And yes, I’m in a union.

It’s kind of an off-shoot of the union most US Marshals belong to but we keep it kind of quiet – so that’s all I really want to say about it.


That might even be too much…well, its a risk I’m willing to take and why not? I’m an assassin and I’m good at what I do, really good, so let’s just say I got my own back on this. Besides, I felt it only fair to tip my hand as far as where I stand on that whole Wisconsin thing. I may work for captains of industry and politicians, but how many of you people like your bosses?

It’s a contract thing.

So, been watching the news lately and well, since Bobby Jindal felt it okay to weigh in on what’s going on with the public sector unions, that kind of opened the door for me and let me say, I know Bobby. Bobby and I go back a few years. I’ve had dinner with Bobby, but okay, enough of these disclaimers.

Here’s my point:

Certain members in national politics, large conglomerates and the pundocracy have been going on about how the way to solve the economic crisis many states find themselves in is to strip the public sector unions of their collective bargaining rights. They say they need flexibility in their budgets. They say it’s time for the unions to do their share. They say that we can no longer afford for all these government employees to go about in their fancy cars to their fine restaurants and then home to their mansions to feed the finest steak to their french poodles.

The people who are saying these things are full of steak.

And they know it.

I know it. I work for these people. I went to the Super Bowl with some of these people…great game eh bro?

And they are counting on you, the American people, to not know it.

Remember those days after Hurricane Katrina? President Bush and his advisers used that calamity to slam through a number of changes inside the hurricane/flooding zone, tax-breaks to corporations, no-bid contracts, lower wages to employees doing the work…just to name a few. This was all done and approved due to crisis. Budgetary items large business had been pushing for years but unable to realize were suddenly approved en-masse. Had to be done. No choice. It was a national disaster.

If you’re not familiar with the technique, read Naomi Klein’s book, Shock Doctrine. She spells out all the tools of Disaster Capitalism and I gotta admit, I turned down the contact on her. Everybody did, despite the pressure from our bosses and know how we could resist said pressure? We were in a union and besides, Ms. Klein is a Canadian and I don’t do Canadians. It’s bad luck.

What? It is…

We all have our quirks and superstitions. I don’t kill people on Thursdays either; bad shit happens on Thursdays and I want no part of it.

The funny thing about this economic crisis though, the unions didn’t cause it and sometimes, they were actually its victims. The whole financial meltdown goes way back, back to Clinton and his love of deregulating the markets which was then given a real kick in the ass by Bushco. You see, when the same people who run the financial institutions and enforce financial law are also working in the federal government and making decisions that benefit their former employers like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, and doing investigations for the SEC, much chicanery can result. Hell of a lot more than me and my ilk could pull off. Bad predatory home loans, the deregulation of the commodities market which spikes the price of food and oil, bundles of bad loans put together and then sold as good investments to unsuspecting pension managers…oftentimes, union pension managers. Hell, it was a disaster. Well, you don’t need me to tell you that, you’re living it.

Want to know how many of these financiers went to jail for what they did?


Instead they were awarded bonuses, with your money.

Man, not even an assassin can pull that off. Don’t believe me? Spend an afternoon reading Washington’s Blog. It’ll numb your brain and make you mad enough to kill.

Trust me.

I know.

Want to know what else these financier’s did?

They poured money into the election campaigns and got a whole lot of people elected, and want to know what these newly elected official’s are doing?

That’s right, they passed tax breaks to these same corporations, helping to further stimulate the need for spending cuts due to ongoing economic crisis and one way they are trying to make ends meet is to strip the unions, the workers, the nurses, doctors, social workers, teachers and so many other professions of their rights. Tax breaks and bonuses for their buddies who caused this mess, and austerity cuts for you to pay for it all.  

For them, it’s a win-win.

For us, it’s a fuck you.

Though they do promise jobs will come as a result of their shenanigans, economists say it will actually decrease job creation, decrease the revitalization of the economy and increase the already record setting disparity of wealth in America.

And that’s not all…these newly elected officials are attempting the entire playbook of the morality and business agenda: defunding the EPA, the NOAA, Planned Parenthood, energy assistance to the poor. They are going after anything having to do with global warming. These idiots in the Montana legislature are even trying to pass a bill to promote the benefits of global warming. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Gone. The idea that the Federal government tries to promote home ownership as a right, gone. Deregulation of coal plants, continued mountaintop mining in the Appalachians, fracking…etc. The list goes on and on…and want to know what everything on this list has in common?


If you’re wealthy, you will be unaffected.

If you’re poor, you’ll be more toxic, a perpetual renter, cold and uninformed…and you will no longer be in a union.

What? Poor union members?

That’s right.

Unlike the myth you are being sold, most in public sector unions, though largely middle class are paid less than their private sector counterpart. Why would they accept being paid less? Because the benefits make up for it. So, you cut the benefits and you cut their wages and they get even poorer than their private sector counterparts. You make them vote annually to keep their union in place while their bosses place pressure to get them to disband the union every year, all while you prohibit unions from taking dues out of payroll and end any collective bargaining rights for union members, like Walker is doing in Wisconsin. And when you do all of this, what do you get?

No more unions.

You’re under assault, America, and I don’t like to be the one who tells you this, but that top 1%, they are endlessly seeking two things in life: how to take your money and how to keep you from realizing they’re taking your money. It’s kind of what they do, like a parasite, like a leech, like a politician…mostly republicans, but a whole hell of a lot of democrats too and don’t get me started on the Tea Party people…ever see the movie Animal House? That scene where Kevin Bacon is bent over during fraternity hazing and being  spanked with the wooden paddle? You know…every time he’s hit, he grimaces and says, “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Yeah, tea partiers are a lot like that, except of course the people who are organizing their tomfoolery to their own advantage. Those organizing tea partier’s got themselves a paddle too.

I tell ya the whole thing sometimes makes me mad enough to kill, but then again…today’s Thursday and I already said how I feel about Thursdays.

Rough, rough, rough…man, perhaps I should apologize.

Yes, apologize – it seems every time I talk to you out there all I ever have is bad news, but I just had to chime in and help those who dont know, know. I guess I give the bad news because I like you people. Yes, I’m a people person, it’s not a self interest thing. I mean – I’m not worried about my union. Can you imagine anyone stupid enough to try to end the rights of an assassin’s union?

I’m just telling you this because if you think these parasites are going to stop with public sector unions, you’re not paying attention. You haven’t been paying attention for years, either that…or you’re in the top 1%.

So yeah, sorry about the news, but bad news over the internet is much better than any I would deliver in person.

Because, you know…I kill people for a living.

So, uh, as Drake says…

Have a nice day.

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