The talking points are in…

The British Petroleum Gulf Oil Explosion Catastrophe finally has a new villain and it’s about time because that Tony Hayward and BP stuff was starting to get old. I mean, 44 days…come on, our attention span rarely lasts longer than 44 seconds. We needed someone new, someone we could blame, someone…oh, I don’t know… less profitable, who donates fewer dollars to campaigns, who isn’t so much in the public eye and therefore more unable to defend themselves… but who could it be…? Who damnit?

Israel? Nope, too many lobbyists.

Iran? Nahh, how many times can we go to the well.

Barack Obama? Jesus Christ, see above…we can’t blame everything on this guy.

G.W. Bush? Please, look the other way…besides, isn’t he writing a book or is it reading one?

Anarchists? Too easy.

Ohhhh….I got it, The Radical Environmentalists!

Everyone? Agreed?

Oh, yes…definitely…it’ll work on so many levels…these guys and gals got no money, hell, even the Sierra Club won’t have anything to do with them and they have those kind of weird, squishy names like Meadow and Butterfly and Chad, so nobody would listen to them even if they got on camera somehow. Right, not even MSNBC will talk to these guys so the only face time they get is Facebook, and that’s not something to worry about.

Okay, so we blame it on Radical Environmentalist…but who de we get to lead this charge. Who’s so good at repeating things so endlessly that Americans will actually start to believe this? Well, we certainly couldn’t have someone who puts themselves out there to be questioned or challenged in any way cause this line is gonna be a stretch. I know, who’s doing speaking tours right now? Who doesn’t allow interviews? Oh, and we’re going to need a morally inferior coward with absolutely no scruples who is dumb…but folksy, yeah right… folksy enough to be able to speak to this talking point with some sense of conviction…

What about…well, you know who?

C’mon man, not even she’s this f’ing retar…

Watch it.

Oh yeah, yeah…well I suppose we could ask, think she’d do it?

You betcha…

Okay then…make the call…

Enter…Sarah Palin.

Yep, Sarah Palin has blamed the British Petroleum Gulf Oil Explosion Catastrophe on radical environmentalists. The basic argument (and let’s be honest, when dealing with Sarah, you gotta be basic) is that because them there radical environmentalists tried so durn hard to keep energy production off the land and away from shore, they forced British Petroleum and other oil companies to go to deep sea drilling, something she concedes is less safe. So, those that are trying to save the environment forced the oil companies hand…forced them to do something so dangerous to all, and since they went ahead and did it and it blew up in your face, well…you radical environmentalists have no one to blame but yourselves…

Really.

Seriously, no one else to blame…

But what about –

It is universally accepted now that the reason the oil rig blew was because the oil well wasn’t sealed properly, allowing gas to come up the well, which sparked and exploded and an ongoing investigation by the US Coast Guard and the Mineral Management Service has already concluded, so far, that…despite BP corporate’s assurances to everyone how all was well:

– BP’s engineers struggled to address problems in the days leading up to the explosion of the oil well.

– On the day of the explosion, BP had to be persuaded to do tests that suggested issues with the well’s cement.

– BP sent home a crew that could do a definitive test on the cement without performing the assessment.

– BP apparently insisted on using nitrogen-infused cement at a depth the rig hadn’t ever used before, over Transocean’s objection.

– BP executives have refused to testify.

– This is all set against the backdrop of BP rushing to finish the well.

(Summary from New Orleans Ladder website)

– What should also be added is that BP informed the regulators that only minor leaking would occur if something happened to the oil well and further, British Petroleum never had a clean-up plan in the all too real advent they were wrong.

In Sarah’s Facebook essay she also mentioned how the United States has stricter environmental regulations than the rest of the world and those radicals are forcing the outsourcing of jobs to countries that don’t protect the environment like we do. Umm, the Bush Administration spent the past eight years gutting these protections and restricting any oversight by killing the funding for said oversight of not only this particular kind of well, but pretty much any type of well.

So, for those keeping score, we shouldn’t be troubling with the likes of British Petroleum…we should be attacking Greenpeace. Don’t worry about Halliburton, sue Earth First. Don’t even look towards GW or Transocean, sue the shit out of Mountain and Evergreen and Dale.

Don’t look at anyone who is directly responsible for this oil well blowing up, get the people who just don’t get American values. No, not the Republicans who vote against the interests of the very people who elect them on their platforms of Real America (and they do it again and again)…get the hippies cause them hippies don’t get it at all, they aren’t the real Americans.

Hey Sarah…guess what?

This is my America.

I am an Anarchist, an Atheist, and an American Midwesterner, and not a  Midwesterner in some big high fallutin’ city kicking back drinking latte thinkin’ I’m all smart and shit, nope… I live in a dying factory town, a small city your party’s polices got set to stranglin’, and this is my America.

Just because you say it ain’t so, like a thousand of your other lines of bullshit, don’t necessarily make it that way.

It would have to be your America that I question, not whether you are an American or not, but your vision of America.

You say you support the farmer…but your party’s politics put small farms out of business in favor of large Agri-Corporations.

You say you support mom and pop in the general store…but your party votes for tax breaks for big box stores that put mom and pop out of business all over main street.

You say down with Wall Street…but your party is responsible for all the deregulation that led to the mess of the past two years, you know, where everybody lost their homes and pensions? Yeah, that was you guys.

Not only that, but you’re kind of stupid too…

For a living, I help people who are having trouble making it in the America you envision (rich get richer, safety regulations gutted, union protections destroyed) and I have been helping people for twenty years so I have heard a hundred stories from a thousand faces, including hundreds of American Veterans you claim to support. These people aren’t making it, and not because of some bullshit socialist conspiracy and not because they’re lazy intellectuals…it’s because people are complex with many foibles and faults, and maybe they didn’t catch a break at the right time, or maybe they were traumatized, raised shitty, beaten down, started using…whatever. The point isn’t what got them there, it’s how we can help them now, how we can teach them again to do it on their own…in your vision of America, there isn’t any help for people like this, just help for large companies (like British Petroleum). I always hear you say how you love to be out there talking to these real Americans. Yeah, that’s great…I do that too, and then when we’re done talking, I do things to help them.

Out here, in the real America, we believe in calling bullshit on bullshit…

And your line is completely that…

Bullshit.

Might as well drop the whole Radical Environmentalists responsibility thing altogether…nobody’s that stupid…but then again, maybe all you have to do is say it a few more times, or more importantly,  just say it louder…

I know, why don’t you ask Tony Hayward to help…

I’d sure like to hear that bastard scream.