Yes, I love the New Orleans Saints…but of equal important in this week’s game are the following five simple facts:

1. I hate Michael Jordan.

2. Michael Jordan is involved with the Charlotte Bobcats, located in the same city as the Panthers.

3. Micheal Jordan used to play for UNC, a college located very close to Charlotte.

4. I’m assuming that since Michael Jordan is so associated with all things North Carolina, he would be rooting for the Panthers today.

5. Did I already say I hate Michael Jordan?

Sure do, can’t stands the man, and so many reasons exist its hard to really know where to begin…but I shall try, oh yes I shall…okay, for starters, I used to work in a shoe store, back in the era of Air Jordan and the Chicago Bulls, back when these shoes were so outrageously expensive kids were killing kids for these shoes and you had Mr. Air Jordan at the time, not only saying little to nothing about it, but certainly doing nothing to work with the Nike company to lower the prices of the shoes. Nope, no way…Jordan was obviously HUGE at the time and could have applied a great deal of pressure on Nike. Yes-sir, he had to make a choice, he had to choose between being a role model, an advocating member of a community and dare I say, an activist of sorts, use his seemingly infinite celebrity for the good of humankind…or, he could play basketball, shut up so as not to cause any waves, and collect bigger and bigger endorsement checks.

He chose to get paid.

Rodney King and the riots? Same thing…if Jordan had opened his mouth and tried to speak out, tried to stop the violence, maybe it might have accomplished something, or maybe not…in any case, he said nothing, he did nothing…except to remain Teflon, remain mute, remain non-controversial, bland as bland can be so that his marketability could remain unaffected…

Paid.

And turns out he needed to, what with all the gambling…oh, and the utter lack of tipping…remember those stories? One of my regulars when I was bartending in the Quarter worked the poker rooms at Harrahs and he was working a night when Jordan, Patrick Ewing and Charles Barkley came in. Jordan lost over a hundred thousand dollars gambling with his fellow all-stars for hours and the story from my regular was how Jordan tipped nothing. Ewing and Barkley gave him shit for it apparently, and Ewing actually doubled his own tips to try to make up for Jordan’s complete lack of…

Paid.

Sure, tipping ain’t required of anybody, but anyone who’s ever worked in the service industry, especially in places like New Orleans, one knows those tips make all the difference in the world.

Paid.

Well, I’m also from the Chicago area, as people who read this website know, and being in Chicago, Jordan’s specter still looms all over this place, like Ditka or Harry Carey and when you have the misfortune of hating all the local sports teams…Jordan’s forever presence can be pretty damned annoying, especially when you already don’t like the guy. I mean, Jesus…oh, and now I gotta deal with his whole Obama thing. His picture is freaking everywhere, another Chicagoan and in his case, one of the biggest political sell-outs of all time…like his latest, this whole crackdown on medicinal marijuana in California…what an unbelievable asshole. Bottom line on this is to simply follow the money. US Attorneys talk about California pot crops supplying the nation and how the medicinal marijuana industry is the cover?

Right…

It’s the cartels…you want to talk cover?

Blaming California as the marijuana supplier for the country is the Feds cover, it’s Obama’s cover for doing yet more favors for Big Pharma, their patent laws and profits. You see, Big Pharma has a less effective marijuana pill called Marinol, which they can patent because it’s a pill and the lab work necessary to make it a pill, makes it possible to patent, and therefore control and profit from. Medicinal marijuana, however, is a plant, a natural plant, and you can’t patent a natural plant, therefore Big Pharma cannot patent it, control it, or profit from it, therefore all the medicinal marijuana dispensaries cut into their profits from Marinol.

That is, until Obama steps in to shut down the industry, essentially doing precisely what he said as recently as two years ago, he wouldn’t do. What? Obama caves again to big money, in a campaign season? Big surprise, so what the hell else is new?

Like I said, what a duplicitous asshole.

And pictures of this jack-ass are all over Chicago, just like Jordan…the same Michael Jordan, Mr. North Carolina…and I’m sure Barack Obama, he’s at least been to the state, if not Charlotte a few times…you know, so it’s total guilt by association, by proximity…so yeah, another glorious New Orleans Saints victory today will not only be a victory for the city of New Orleans, but by proxy and a twisted sense of logic, a wondrous defeat of both Michael Jordan’s greedy, non-tipping ass, and Barack Obama’s traitorous ways which this time will keep cancer sufferers, suffering, all so Salvoy Chemical and Abbot Labs can get paid for their Marinol, a far less effective product.

So come on New Orleans, in the words of Al Davis, “Just win, baby…”

Enjoy the game.

Damn right, who dat!