Back to the spill tomorrow, but first…

Here's looking at you...dip-shit.

Ever read an article that you found to be so well written, informative and funny (cause its true) you felt the need to put it out there and share? Yeah, me too…from the wonderful writers at Cracked, enjoy this article about the wealthy gaffe-challenged –

“All of a sudden, it’s like you can’t make huge amounts of money without people getting all pissed off about it. And it’s only going to get worse — with the election coming up and the weather getting warmer, this whole “Occupy” movement is probably going to come back strong. The 1 percent will feel even more besieged than before.

“What the hell?” you’re probably thinking, if you’re somehow both rich and reading an article with this title, “I didn’t crash the economy!” You might even be tempted to take to a microphone, to defend yourself and your wealthy friends. But before you do, I want you to stop and ask yourself, “Will this make me sound like an out-of-touch douchebag?”

Continue reading…trust me, it’s worth it.

6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying…

Have a nice day.


Quick legal question about mudholes and assholes…

Tennessee State Rep. Richard Floyd (R)...please, join me in weeping for another in a long line of persecuted Christian white men in America.

So, if a state representative from Tennessee says the following about any possible encounter with someone transgendered in a dressing room:

“I believe if I was standing at a dressing room and my wife or one of my daughters was in the dressing room and a man tried to go in there — I don’t care if he thinks he’s a woman and tries on clothes with them in there — I’d just try to stomp a mudhole in him and then stomp him dry. Don’t ask me to adjust to their perverted way of thinking and put my family at risk. We cannot continue to let these people dominate how society acts and reacts….”

Am I then free to respond by saying to Rep Floyd how it is my sincerest hope I may someday encounter him, outside a dressing room, when someone transgendered tries to enter, so that if he does lay a finger upon this person, I could then lay ten fingers upon him until he is a writhing mass on the ground outside said dressing room?

Or, would saying something like that be illegal, you know, because he holds elected office? Just curious, just asking, because I wouldn’t want to get in trouble for writing what some might construe as a threat to a politician in response to him threatening Tennessee citizens.

So, help me out people…is it wrong to point out another small man, living in fear, whose only courageous act is to brazenly exhibit his worst character traits and utter ignorance when it comes to stepping outside his own, immediate worldview, and then shake my head, annoyed with the abject idiocy of the people some of my fellow citizens deem worthy of holding elected office?

Please, let me know…I don’t need a hassle and I don’t want to break any laws, even by accident.

Have a nice day.

Not my usual subject matter, but sometimes one can’t resist…

It really doesn't matter how much surgery you're old, your music is cartoonish and your acting...good lord it's awful. Money may buy notoriety, but it don't buy talent.

So, I keep reading these bits about Madonna, about her freaking out because some fan gave her hydrangeas, as in flowers, and it turns out she hates hydrangeas so she trashed the flowers in front of the fan, and not content to humiliate the person once, she then made a spoof video where she trashed the flowers again so the moment could live on in internet history.

Maybe the whole thing was a big gag, maybe not. In any case, soon thereafter at the Toronto Film Festival, apparently some sort of tradition exists where orange-clad volunteers get a big thank you at the end of the show and word is, when Madonna presented the film she directed, these volunteers were ordered to turn their backs and not look her in the eye. Again, maybe it was all a big joke but if not, then the joke would apparently be…well I suppose the joke would be Madonna.

So, why might I write about something like this?


I often write about equality, tolerance, about simple care for other people. I loathe any type of caste separation, which is becoming more and more prevalent in the world and in this country. Sure, nothing politically or culturally official in America, at least not yet…but when politicians refer to welfare recipients as raccoons, or right winged commentators say the poor shouldn’t be allowed to vote and when Tea Party assholes cheer, suggesting an uninsured patient should be allowed to die, what are we supposed to think about what this future might bring to the United States?

Anyways…yeah, Madonna’s a good business person, but artistically she’s a con artist and a hack and not worth this country’s spit, while these political commentators, politicians and tea party types, they deserve nothing more than the back of this country’s hand, hard, painful and ugly…and repeatedly while we read them the Bill of Rights and discuss how we’re only as strong as our weakest link, and weakest ain’t necessarily about how much money you got.

It might have something to do with your character, and those idiots previously mentioned? Oh, they got a lot of self-righteousness, ego and money, but character?

No, not so much. Not that I’m all that much better, but at least I’m honest about it… Oh, and when we’re done explaining how people of a lower tax bracket don’t need to be made to feel like 2nd class citizens in this oh so great land of equality, we’ll take some time to stuff your mouths full of hydrangeas, lots of hydrangeas, a ton of hydrangeas…and not one single solitary slice of cake.

No offense…

Have a nice day.

I have a confession to make…I’m a really lousy crisis worker…

If he can do it, why not me?

I am, really bad…

You see, I’ve been doing this job for a long, long time, off and on for about ten years and frankly, it’s getting a little old. If unfamiliar with crisis work, what I do for a living is I get calls from doctors and police officers in various hospital emergency rooms, or maybe jail corporals at detention centers to come to the scene and speak to the client for the purposes of determining the least restrictive setting where the client will be safe, until they can get follow-up professional help. If at the jail, I might place them on a special watch status which can include suicide gowns and isolation. If at the emergency room, I will determine whether they can go home, can go to a crisis house or go to a behavioral hospital either on a voluntary basis or under an emergency detention called a Chapter 51, where they will be escorted to the hospital by the police in handcuffs.

And truth be told, I’m not very good at making these decisions. I don’t want to go so far as to say that anyone has made a succesful attempt because of the decisions I’ve made, but if they did, I’m certain I wouldn’t have just received the usual bonus for a missed call, I would probably instead be put in charge of the entire Adult Crisis Program.

That may sound like an odd system of rewards, but over the past ten years, social work has largely undergone a transformation from something that was once a total client model to the more black and white corporate model. Sure, the clients are still important, don’t get me wrong, but moreso is the money. Billing, cutting costs, so much of social work today is about billable time and productive, measurable results.

No, I’m not complaining about this. Being as bad at this as I am, it’s probably the only reason I’m still employed.

In fact, the ongoing transition to the corporate model has even improved my career prospects and the many opportunities to receive promotions and raises.

Need another example of how this works?


Transocean gives safety bonuses despite deaths in Gulf of Mexico oil rig explosion


Tony Hayward may receive bonus of eight million pounds


BP increases monthly fee for claims czar Kenneth Feinberg’s law firm to $1.25 million

or, how about this old favorite…

President Bush Wins 2000 Election!

For a long, long time, in the field of social work, traits such as compassion, empathy, client rights, maintaining client focus and making a difference in people’s lives, no matter the cost were how the true worth of a social worker were measured, and in Adult Crisis work, client rights and client safety were preeminent.

That’s why I came close to getting fired, a few times.

But now?

The system plays to my strengths, or should I say, lack of them.

Just like the Transocean guys involved with the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon, or just like Tony Hayward and the destruction of Gulf Coast lives and ecosystem, or just like Ken Feinberg who couldn’t efficiently pay a claim if his life depended on it, or just like our former President who couldn’t even find oil, in Texas, just like all these guys…rather than being fired and left on the streets for my incompetence, the corporatization of social services has got me looking at promotions, bonuses and hell, who knows? If I really screw this up and somebody should die, well, according to the corporate way of doing things not only in the Gulf, but across the country, I could be looking at a promotion to Director of Social Services for the entire state.

It could happen…

Hey, maybe it’s time for some new blood.

I certainly have both eyes on that corporate bottom line, a lackadaisacal work ethic, a solid understanding of corruption navigation and a total lack of concern for the welfare of others which, when you put it all together, might just make me the ultimate envy of every other social worker in my field.

I tell ya, the county I work in better promote me soon because I expect a job offer from Feinberg’s Gulf Coast Claims Facility any day now. My total amoral response to people in distress is sure to make me quite the draw. 

Lord knows, I could certainly use the raise.

Have a nice day.

“Tremendous” oil spill!

Dumb and Dumber

So, when you saw footage of the Deepwater Horizon explosion or the oil blasting out of the Macondo Well, what did you think about it?

The New York Times described it this way:

Dazed and battered survivors, half-naked and dripping in highly combustible gas, crawled inch by inch in pitch darkness, willing themselves to the lifeboat deck. . . . Crew members, certain they were about to be cooked alive, scrambled into enclosed lifeboats for shelter, only to find them like smoke-filled ovens.”

Well, that would be one perspective (from those alarmists on the liberal left), however Rep. Ralph Hall (R-Tx) saw things differently. He described it kinda like…no, he described it exactly like this:

As we saw that thing bubbling out, blossoming out – all that energy, every minute of every hour of every day of every week – that was tremendous to me. That we could deliver that kind of energy out there – even on an explosion.

Yeah, I’m too cynical in my beliefs and opinions…how about if I mentioned that Mr. Hall is about to become the chair of the House Science and Technology committee.


Have a nice day.

Nothing Makes a Cynic Like a Wealthy Church…

Built for the glory of God, or Man?

I grew up in the church.

My father is a minister which meant I went to church every Sunday, did the whole baptism, confirmation, altar boy thing and when I was twelve, he took a new job at a church populated with a lot of people who had a lot of money. Not all, granted, but enough of them and I remember being about fifteen and watching this new couple begin attending services. They didn’t seem to be like the rest of the people in the church. The guy looked like a biker and his wife wore the road map of someone who’d ridden the harder life. He smoked. She wore too much make-up. He had tattoo’s. Her eyes were worn. As a teenager who was just learning the rejection of everything I’d previously known, I found them fascinating and looked for them every Sunday. I also noticed how they were treated by the other parishioners in nice suits and comfortable dresses.

I watched the parishioners whisper. I watched many be less than welcoming. I remember watching my father trying to make that couple feel comfortable, but soon enough the couple left, and I remember all of this because on that snowy morning, a cynic was born. No mangers, no wise men, no kings, just me looking on disappointed at my father’s congregation and a newer confirmation of what I had begun to realize about the people of that church…many of them were snobs, many of them wouldn’t or didn’t try to put themselves in that couples shoes.

Well lately, I’ve gotten into the bad habit of reading the comments sections of a number of online newspapers articles and I’ve realized a couple of things, yet again…

1. There are a lot of assholes out there and they like to write in the online comments sections.

2. Oftentimes, the person who rose up against the odds through self-professed hard work, determination and a lot of luck seems to check his compassion at the door to trash the people who don’t conform to his very rigid bootstraps.

3. Rather than helping others, a lot of people would rather just reject those in need, except at Christmas of course, sometimes.

So when I read stories about people who have lost their businesses as a result or indirect result of BP’s oil spill and Feinberg’s Scroogian ways, or even just the bad economy and then I scroll down to the comments section and see this or that person trashed by those that take the time to write such things…while it does make my cynical heart beat a little faster it also reminds me of those days at fifteen, and I feel disappointed all over again.

When I read about Matt Drouillard, or Patti Wooley or the situation I mentioned yesterday, with Candi Cook who filed a claim and though paid a little by BP, was denied anything by Feinberg and the GCCF, and then I click to the comments section and read such things like:

WHO CARES…. Your business isn’t creating revenue then go look for a job like the rest of the USA. You were denied because you couldn’t prove a loss on a business that wasn’t creating revenue since 08 in the first place


New rules coming next year; you have to stand on your own two feet. No more pay for not working, this country has to return to the principles that made her great or we all go under and there is nothing left for your children. There was never a rule everyone was entitled to everything, just the opportunity to try. If you are not trying the rest of us are not going to carry you. I have been unemployed, I have gone without health insurance, I have never taken a handout, and I can speak the truth, I have earned it as so many others. Let us not write stories on these people, let us write stories on the heroes making success with hard work and sweat. Stop trying to prove how bad it is and start showing what can be achieved!

When I read that, what am I supposed to think?

Well, I could agree and say, hey…they’re right. If one person can do it, anybody can. America is the land of opportunity and if you don’t make it, it’s obviously your fault for not trying hard enough, for not being smart enough, for just not getting it.

Or, I could say, “Hey, you collective pair of jackasses, maybe you could lend a hand rather than a kick in the face. Maybe if you’re such a sound business person, ya might give a call with a few business tips. Maybe you could stop your rhetoric for a minute to think about how not everybody has two feet to stand on and a lot of people have three or four and maybe, just because you were there once and found your way out doesn’t mean you have to be so ridiculously bitter towards those that are there now. Maybe someday you will finally get rewarded and someone will write a story about you, the hero, the one who did it with no handouts, who speaks the truth.”


Or maybe you can stop your self worship for a moment and help out because one of the principles of this country, the principles that made this country great was the way people looked out for one another and built communities, the same kind of communities your judgmental bullshit destroys.

Or don’t, your choice.

I’m a cynic, so no matter what you do I get to win, either by confirmation of my cynicism or the good feelings produced by seeing others helping others get by.

Again, your choice.

In either case, just like I wonder about the people of the Gulf Coast, what it is they are going through and how they are going to make it, I wonder about that couple way back at my dad’s church and I hope if they did find a new congregation, they found one that wasn’t filled with a bunch of jackwagons from the online comments sections.

Congregations are community and community is what we need more of, especially these days, because cynicism without productivity or any hope whatsoever is a zero-sum game.

I know.

Have a nice day.

I Don’t Usually do Celebrity, but Mel? Bwaahhahahahhahahaha

I prefer white russians

Oh man…

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, I mean come on…you had me at “Road Warrior,” and then you lost me at “Passion of…” I gotta say, if there is one thing that always brightens my day, it’s when people who put themselves on moral pedestals crash and burn, or in Mel’s case crash and crash and crash and burn…

Alright…that’s about as much times as his story deserves…

Hear what Mel has to say to his wife…listen to the audio:

Mel Gibson has issues

Okay, now back to the Gulf of Mexico…